The Jacana Curmudgeon

 

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Quotations K

 

 

KAUFMAN, GEORGE (Anecdotes)

 

Kaufman was a bridge fanatic who did not suffer incompetent players gladly. When one particularly inept partner asked to be excused to go to the men’s room, Kaufman replied, “Gladly – for the first time today I’ll know what you have in your hand.”

 

Another bridge partner, sensing Kaufman was not pleased with his conduct of the previous hand, asked defensively, “Well, George, how would you have played the hand?”

“Under an assumed name,” Kaufman shot back.

 

When Kaufman was drama editor at The New York Times, a pres agent asked, “How do I get our leading lady’s name in your newspaper?”

“Shoot her,” Kaufman replied.

 

After his great success playing Abraham Lincoln on Broadway, Raymond Massey began to assume the character off the stage, affecting Lincolnesque attire, manner, and speech and prompting Kaufman to observe, “Massey won’t be satisfied until someone assassinates him.”

 

KINDNESS

 

One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing.

- Oscar Wilde.

 

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

- Al Capone.

 

Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.

- Sir James Barrie.

 

The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your arm.

- Swedish proverb.

 

As the bus slowed down at the crowded bus stop, the Pakistani bus conductor leaned from the platform and called out, "Six only!" The bus stopped. He counted on six passengers, rang the bell, and then, as the bus moved off, called to those left behind: "So sorry, plenty of room in my heart - but the bus is full." He left behind a row of smiling faces. It's not what you do, it's the way that you do it.

- The Friendship Book of Francis Gay, 1977.

 

Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.

 

Kindness is the greatest wisdom.

 

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

 

KISSES

 

I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up.

- Barbara Bush.

 

Her kisses left something to be desired... the rest of her.

 

I ran up the door, opened the stairs, said my pyjamas and put on my prayers - turned off my bed, tumbled into my light, and all because he kissed me good-night!

 

A kiss is the upper persuasion for a lower invasion.

 

KNOWLEDGE & WISDOM

 

Knowledge without sense is twofold folly.

- Spanish proverb.

 

The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

- Mark Twain.

 

The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.

- William Blake.

 

To be absolutely certain about something, one must know everything or nothing about it.

- Olin Miller.

 

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.

- Elbert Hubbard.

 

Patience is the companion of wisdom.

- St. Augustine.

 

The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.

- Isaac Asimov, Isaac Asimov's Book of Science and Nature Quotations.

 

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

- Sam Levenson.

 

Of the demonstrably wise there are but two:  those who commit suicide, and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied by drink.

- Mark Twain, Note-Book, 1935.

 

By three methods we may learn wisdom. First, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest.

- Confucius.

 

I believe that all wisdom consists in caring immensely for a few right things, and not caring a straw about the rest.

- John Buchan.

 

The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions.

- Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

 

That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

- Andy Rooney.

 

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.

- William James.

 

The believer is happy; the doubter is wise.

- Hungarian proverb.

 

The larger the island of knowledge, the longer the shoreline of wonder.

- Ralph W. Sockman.

 

Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.

- Benjamin Franklin.

 

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

- Abba Eban.

 

More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads.  One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction.  Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

- Woody Allen.

 

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between two  "wolves" inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

 

Never under-estimate your ability to over-estimate your ability.

 

You who think you know it all are damn annoying to those of us who do.

 

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