The Jacana Curmudgeon

 

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Quotations L

 

 

LANGUAGE

 

I personally believe we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.

- Jane Wagner.

 

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.

- Franklin P. Jones.

 

Our language is funny - a fat chance and slim chance are the same thing.

- J. Gustav White.

 

A good catchword can obscure analysis for fifty years.

- Wendell L. Willkie.

 

I like the word "indolence." It makes my laziness seem classy.

- Bern Williams.

 

Language is the dress of thought.

- Samuel Johnson.

 

It is a safe rule to apply that, when a mathematical or philosophical author writes with a misty

profundity, he is talking nonsense.

- Alfred North Whitehead.

 

Every American child should grow up knowing a second language, preferably English.

- Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook.

 

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

- Peter Finley Dunne, Mr. Dooley's Opinions.

 

The Ancient Mariner would not have taken so well if it had been called The Old Sailor.

- Samuel Butler.

 

The word "good" has many meanings. For example, if a man were to shoot his grandmother at a range

of five hundred yards, I should call him a good shot, but not necessarily a good man.

- G.K. Chesterton.

 

LAUGHTER

 

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

- Woody Allen.

 

He who laughs, lasts.

- Mary Pettibone Poole.

 

Aunt Dahlia guffawed more liberally than I have ever heard a woman guffaw. If there had been an aisle,

she would have rolled in it….She was giving the impression of a hyaena which had just heard a good one

from another hyaena.

- P.G. Wodehouse.

 

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

- E.E. Cummings.

 

Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.

- Josh Billings.

 

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

- Victor Borge.

 

When people are laughing, they're generally not killing each other.

- Alan Alda.

 

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book.

- Irish Proverb.

 

A man isn't poor if he can still laugh.

- Raymond Hitchcock.

 

Seven days without laughter makes one weak.

- Mort Walker.

 

Laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.

- Hugh Sidey.

 

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist.

- Joseph Heller.

 

That day is lost on which one has not laughed.

- French proverb.

 

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

 

Laughter is the best medicine, but in certain situations the Heimlich manoeuvre may be more appropriate.

 

Laughing at yourself will lengthen your life. Laughing at me will shorten it.

 

Even if there is nothing to laugh about, laugh on credit.

 

Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense.

 

You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.

 

LAW & JUSTICE

 

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

- Robert Frost.

 

To appeal, in law, is to put the dice back in the box for another throw.

- Ambrose Bierce.

 

My idea of the ideal jury is twelve Irish unionists deciding the case of my client, Patrick O’Brien, a union

bricklayer, who was run over by Chauncey Marlborough’s Rolls Royce while Marlborough was on his way

to deposit Ł50,000 in the bank.

- Melvin Belli.

 

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would

never hear the evidence.

- H.L. Mencken.

 

Lawyers are operators of the toll bridge which anyone in search of justice must pass.

- Jane Bryant Quinn.

 

The man who talks of an unalterable law is probably an unalterable fool.

- Sydney Smith.

 

This is a court of law, young man, not a court of justice.

- Oliver Wendall Holmes.

 

Every law is an infraction of liberty.

- Jeremy Bentham.

 

Distrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful.

- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche.

 

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

- Gore Vidal.

 

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse? You cannot post "Thou Shalt

Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and 

politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!

- George Carlin.

 

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.

- Charles Lamb.

 

Defendant: I don’t recognise this court!

Judge: Why not?

Defendant: You’ve had it decorated!

- Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise.

 

Eric: I’ll never forget my mother’s words to me when I first went to jail.

Ernie: What did she say?

Eric: Hello, son.

- Eric Morcambe and Ernie Wise.

 

For many years the National Pretend Speed Limit was fifty-five miles per hour (metric equivalent: 378 kilograms

per hectare.)

- Dave Barry.

 

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that

we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.

- Dave Barry.

 

Justice is open to everyone in the same way as the Ritz Hotel.

- Judge Sturgess.

 

Justice is the tolerable accommodation of the conflicting interests of society, and I don't believe there is any

royal road to attain such accommodation concretely.

- Judge Learned Hand, in P. Hamburger, The Great Judge.

 

Somebody recently figured out that we have 35 million laws to enforce the ten commandments.

- Bert Masterson and Earl Wilson

 

The more laws the more offenders.

- Thomas Fuller, Gnomologia, 1732.

 

It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don't break any.

- Mae West.

 

When there's a single thief, it's robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it's taxation.

- Vanya Cohen.

 

When I see the Ten Most Wanted Lists... I always have this thought: If we'd made them feel wanted earlier,

they wouldn't be wanted now.

- Edie Cantor.

 

There's a traditional definition of a shyster: a lawyer who, when the law is against him, pounds on the facts;

when the facts are against him, pounds on the law; and when both the facts and the law are against him,

pounds on the table.

- Eben Moglen.

 

The vices of the rich and great are mistaken for error; and those of the poor and lowly, for crimes.

- Lady Marguerite Blessington.

 

It is not a Justice System. It is just a system.

- Bob Enyart.

 

The more corrupt the republic, the more numerous the laws.

- Tacitus, Annals.

 

Most laws seem reasonable until some asshole in authority tries to enforce them against nice people like us.

 

Black rhinos and lawyers are very similar - they are both short-sighted, thick skinned and charge like hell.

 

The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.

 

A new law was recently passed in North Carolina: When a couple gets divorced, they’re still brother and sister.

 

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

A: You cut the rope.

 

Q: What's the most commonly heard redneck defense in court?
A: "Honest, your honour, I was just helping the sheep over the fence."

 

So many lawyers, so few bullets.

 

It's beautiful the way it is; why spoil it by making it legal?

 

What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?

He gets taller.

 

LAZINESS

 

It is better to have loafed and lost than never having loafed at all.

- James Thurber.

 

All of the biggest technological inventions created by man - the airplane, the automobile, the computer - says

little about his intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness.

- Mark Kennedy.

 

Efficiency is intelligent laziness.

- David Dunham.

 

As a boy, he swallowed a teaspoon. And he hasn’t stirred since.

 

His idea of roughing it is to turn his electric blanket down to Medium.

 

The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable.

 

I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

 

Save energy: be apathetic.

 

LEADERSHIP

 

A leader is a dealer in hope.

- Napoleon Bonaparte.

 

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson.

 

A good leader is a person who takes a little more than his share of the blame and a little less than his share

of the credit.

- John C. Maxwell.

 

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing

to take command. Very often, that person is crazy.

- Dave Barry, Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn.

 

LEARNING & EDUCATION

 

We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine.

- H.L. Mencken (also attributed to Mark Twain).

 

Personally, I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.

- Winston Churchill.

 

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

- Mark Twain.

 

We are shut up in schools and college recitation rooms for ten or fifteen years, and come out at last with a

bellyful of words and do not know a thing.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson.

 

How is it that little children are so intelligent and men are so stupid? It must be education that does it.

- Alexander Dumas.

 

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also

remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

- Douglas Adams.

 

I am learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma.

- Eartha Kitt.

 

Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.

- Oliver Wendell Holmes.

 

The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr.

- Mohammed.

 

I have never in my life learned anything from any man who agreed with me.

- Dudley Field Malone.

 

There are three kinds of men: The ones who learn by reading; The few who learn by observation; The rest

of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

- Will Rogers.

 

Education is what remains when we have forgotten all that we have been taught.

- Marquis of Halifax.

 

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth

knowing can be taught.

- Oscar Wilde.

 

Discussion is an exchange of knowledge; argument is an exchange of ignorance.

- Robert Quillan.

 

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

- Marie Curie.

 

To the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name 'knowledge'.

- Ambrose Bierce.

 

Not ignorance, but ignorance of ignorance, is the death of knowledge.

- Alfred North Whitehead.

 

I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn’t learn something from him.

- Galileo Galilei.

 

I was a modest, good-humoured boy. It is Oxford that has made me insufferable.

- Max Beerbohm.

 

Patterson: Doesn’t he have a gown?

Flora: Battersea Tech. They just award them clean overalls on graduation.

- Malcolm Bradbury and Christopher Bigsby.

 

Sixty years ago I knew everything; now I know nothing; education is a progressive discovery of our

own ignorance.

- Will Durant.

 

The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

- J. Frank Dobie.

 

Headmasters have powers at their disposal with which Prime Ministers have never yet been invested.

- Alan Bennett.

 

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such

thing as algebra.

- Fran Lebowitz.

 

My school motto was ‘Monsanto incorpori glorius maxima copia’ which in Latin means, ‘When the going gets

tough, the tough go shopping.’

- Robin Williams.

 

Grammar schools are public schools without the sodomy.

- Tony Parsons.

 

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter

came along and shot him. The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

- Will Rogers.

 

If you know you don't know much, you are smarter than most people.

 

The principal thing an inquisitive child learns is how little adults know.

 

Sociology degrees - please take one. (next to lavatory paper dispenser).

 

It wasn’t school that the students disliked, it was the principal of the thing.

 

There's one thing to be said for ignorance - it sure causes a lot of interesting arguments.

 

Education kills by degrees.

 

LEVANT, OSCAR (Anecdotes)

 

When I was young I looked like Al Capone, but I lacked his compassion.

 

There is a thin line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

 

I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.

 

The first thing I do in the morning is to brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

 

Seated at a dinner table next to an attractive young lady, Levant failed to stifle a yawn. “Am I keeping

you up?” she asked. “I wish you were,” he answered.

 

In the late fifties he hosted a local TV show in Los Angeles with his second wife, June, and one night he

fell asleep while interviewing a guest. When June tried to nudge him awake, he groused, “Wake me when he’s through.”

 

To an obnoxious acquaintance: “I’m going to memorise your name and throw my head away.”

 

After dinner at the White House, Levant turned to his wife and said, “Now I suppose we’ll have to have the

Trumans over to our house.

 

Oscar Levant, when introduced to Greta Garbo: "Sorry, I didn't catch the name."

 

During a poker game Levant was told of Judy Garland's latest suicide attempt. "Let's see," he said, dealing a hand,

"she's two up on me in suicide attempts, but I'm three up on her in nervous breakdowns. Or is it the other way around?"

 

LIBERALS

 

A liberal is a man who leaves the room when a fight begins.

- Heywood Broun.

 

Liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

- Lenny Bruce.

 

A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment.

- Willis Player.

 

A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.

- Robert Frost.

 

What a liberal wants is to bring about change which will not in any way endanger his position.

- Stokely Carmichael.

 

A liberal is one who has both feet planted firmly in the air.

- Adlai Stevenson.

 

Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.

- Dick Gregory.

 

You know what they say; if God had been a liberal, we wouldn’t have had the Ten Commandments. We’d

have the ten suggestions.

- Malcolm Bradbury and Christopher Bigsby.

 

As usual the Liberals offer a mixture of sound advice and original ideas. Unfortunately, none of the sound ideas

is original and none of the original ideas is sound.

- Harold Macmillan.

 

A liberal is a conservative who’s been mugged by reality.

 

A liberal’s generosity is only limited by your income.

 

LIBERTY

 

Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.

- Will Rogers.

 

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure.

- Thomas Jefferson.

 

Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.

- George Bernard Shaw.

 

Liberty too can corrupt, and absolute liberty can corrupt absolutely.

- Gertrude Himmelfarb.

 

This is how liberty dies - with thunderous applause.

- Senator Padmé Naberrie Amidala Skywalker.

 

‘Liberté - Egalité - Fraternité’ - Maternité

- Hospital, Paris.

 

LIFE & LIVING

 

The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved.

- Victor Hugo.

 

From my rotting body flowers shall grow, and I shall be in them.

- Edward Munch.

 

The grand essentials in life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

- Joseph Addison.

 

Life is an effort which deserves a better cause.

- Karl Kraus.

 

Life is pain, princess. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something.

- The Princess Bride.

 

Life is not too bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.

- Christopher Isherwood.

 

Life is not a spectacle or a feast: it is a predicament.

- George Santayana.

 

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

- Henry David Thoreau.

 

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

- Mahatma Gandhi.

 

Life is a predicament which precedes death.

- Henry James.

 

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

- Sören Kierkegaard.

 

I see life as a dance. Does a dance have to have a meaning? You’re dancing because you enjoy it.

- Jackie Mason.

 

Life is a zoo in a jungle.

- Peter De Vries.

 

Life is a crowded superhighway with bewildering cloverleaf exits on which a man is liable to find himself

speeding back in the direction he came.

- Peter De Vries.

 

Life is a maze in which we take the wrong turning before we have learned to walk.

- Cyril Conolly.

 

If you want my final opinion on the mystery of life and all that, I can give it to you in a nutshell. The universe

is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up in the safe.

- Peter De Vries.

 

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance,

Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.

- Ogden Nash.

 

Life is a gamble at terrible odds; if it was a bet you wouldn't take it.

- Tom Stoppard.

 

Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer and then find there is nothing in it.

- James Gibbons Huneker.

 

The meaning of life is that it stops.

- Franz Kafka.

 

The goal of all life is death.

- Sigmund Freud.

 

What the meaning of human life may be I don’t know; I incline to suspect that it has none.

- H.L. Mencken.

 

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.

- Henry David Thoreau.

 

Life is judged with all the blindness of life itself.

- George Santayana.

 

Life can little else supply

But a few good fucks and then we die.

- John Wilkes.

 

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

- Karl Wallenda.

 

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.

- Fran Lebowitz.

 

Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.

- Thomas La Mance.

 

My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn.

- Louis Adamic.

 

Not a shred of evidence exists in favour of the idea that life is serious.

- Brendan Gill.

 

Life is too short for men to take it seriously.

- George Bernard Shaw.

 

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

- Elbert Hubbard.

 

Scientists are trying to produce life in the laboratory, but it shouldn’t be difficult if the laboratory assistant

is pretty and willing.

- Brendan Gill.

 

My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.

- Ashleigh Brilliant.

 

The purpose of life is to fight maturity.

- Dick Werthimer.

 

Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.

- Adrienne E. Gusoff.

 

Life is a tale told by an idiot - full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

- William Shakespeare.

 

I'm the one that has to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life, the way I want to.

- Jimi Hendrix.

 

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim.

- Bertrand Russell.

 

Life is rather like a tin of sardines. We are all looking for the key.

- Alan Bennett.

 

Life is a joke that’s just begun.

- W.S.Gilbert.

 

Life is one long process of getting tired.

- Samuel Butler.

 

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
- Johnny Carson.

 

When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’

- Sydney J. Harris.

 

Human life is mainly a process of filling in time until the arrival of death or Santa Claus.

- Eric Berne.

 

The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as

an endless standing in line.

- H.L. Mencken.

 

Life is not for everyone.

- Michael O’Donoghue.

 

And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

- Abraham Lincoln.

 

My whole life is a movie. It’s just that there are no dissolves. I have to live every agonising moment of it. My

life needs editing.

- Mort Sahl.

 

Life is a God-damned, stinking, treacherous game and nine hundred and ninety-nine men out of a thousand

are bastards.

- Theodore Dreisler.

 

May you live all the days of your life.

- Johnathan Swift.

 

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

- George Bernard Shaw.

 

There are few situations in life that cannot be resolved promptly, and to the satisfaction of all concerned, by

either suicide, a bag of gold, or thrusting a despised antagonist over a precipice on a dark night.

- Ernest Bramah, Kai Lung stories.

 

The purpose of life is a life of purpose.

- Robert Byrne.

 

Life is a cement trampoline.

- Howard Nordberg.

 

Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.

- Grandma Moses.

 

I know what things are good: friendship and work and conversation. These I shall have.

- Rupert Brooke.

 

There is no finish line.

- Nike advertisement.

 

If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, where X is work, Y is play, and Z is keep your mouth shut.

- Albert Einstein.

 

The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.

- Henry Miller.

 

The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up in the safe.

- Peter De Vries, Let Me Count the Ways.

 

The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war

as an endless standing in line.

- H.L. Mencken.

 

Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are already born?
- Benny Hill.

 

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because

you are a vegetarian.

- Dennis Wholey.

 

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

 

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

 

Life, n.: a sexually transmitted disease that is fatal.

 

Life is too important to be taken seriously.

 

Life is not a cabaret. It’s a fucking circus.

 

Life without danger is a waste of oxygen.

 

Life is a hereditary disease.

 

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

 

Life is hard. It’s breathe, breathe, breathe all the time.

 

Life is a series of irregular intervals between craps.

 

Life is biodegradable art.

 

Life’s all about ass – covering it, kicking it, kissing it or trying to get it.

 

Life is like a doughnut. You're either in the dough or in the hole.

 

Life is a terminal disease.

 

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

 

Life is like a pubic hair on a toilet seat - eventually you get pissed off.

 

Life is like photography. You develop the negative.

 

Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.

 

Life is unsure. Always eat your desert first.

 

The four stages of life:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

 

But, you know what life really is? You're born, you suck your mother's tits. You get a little older, you suck

your girlfriend's tits. You get married, you suck your wife's tits. That's what life is. Life sucks.

 

Give us Lord, a bit o' sun,

A bit o' work and a bit o' fun;

Give us all in the struggle and sputter

Our daily bread and a bit o' butter.

- From an inn in Lancaster, England.

 

The answer to the question of Life, the Universe, and Everything is...Four day work week, Two ply toilet paper!

 

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

 

LONDON

 

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford.

- Samuel Johnson.

 

London, like a bowl of viscid human fluid, boils sullenly over the rim of its encircling hills and slops messily

and uglily into the home counties.

- H.G. Wells.

 

London, that great cesspool into which all the loungers of the Empire are irresistibly drained.

- Arthur Conan Doyle.

 

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

- Fran Lebowitz.

 

London: Crowds without company, and dissipation without pleasure.

- Edward Gibbon.

 

London is too full of fogs - and serious people. Whether the fogs produce the serious people or whether

the serious people produce the fogs, I don’t know, but the whole thing rather gets on my nerves.

- Oscar Wilde.

 

LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

 

To be loved, be lovable.

- Ovid.

 

What is commonly called love, namely the desire of satisfying a voracious appetite with a certain quantity

of delicate white human flesh.

- Henry Fielding.

 

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in

the same direction.

- Antoine de Saint Exupery, Wind, Sand and Stars.

 

Love enables you to put your deepest feelings and fears in the palm of your partner's hand, knowing they

will be handled with care.

- Carl S. Avery.

 

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

- Buddha.

 

It’s possible to love a human being if you don’t know them too well.

- Charles Bukowski.

 

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

- Albert Einstein.

 

Love is what happens to a man and a woman who don’t know each other.

- W. Somerset Maugham.

 

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.

- Lynda Barry.

 

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.

- Jules Renard.

 

Love is the word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle aged,

and the mutual dependence of the old.

- John Ciardi.

 

I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening.

We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.

- Woody Allen.

 

I do think we need to explore the commitment problem, which has caused many women to mistakenly

conclude that men, as a group, have the emotional maturity of hamsters. This is not the case. A hamster

is much more capable of making a lasting commitment to a woman, especially if she gives it those little

food pellets. Whereas a guy, in a relationship, will consume the pellets of companionship, and he will run

on the exercise wheel of lust; but as soon as he senses that the door of commitment is about to close

and trap him in the wire cage of true intimacy, he'll squirm out, scamper across the kitchen floor of uncertainty

and hide under the refrigerator of Non-Readiness.

- Dave Barry.

 

The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous

plaything.

- Friedrich Nietzsche.

 

Better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.

- David Chambless.

 

Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.

- Lord Dewar.

 

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of  chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

- David Bissonette.

 

The love game is never called off on account of darkness.

- Tom Masson.

 

Mumps, measles, and puppy love are terrible after twenty.

- Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook.

 

The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody

to love you.

- Brendan Behan.

 

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

- Rita Rudner.

 

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was

'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

 

Forget love... I'd rather fall in chocolate!

 

Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.

 

(Across a drawing of a skeleton) Waiting for the perfect man.

 

Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.

 

Save your breath….you’ll need it to blow up your date.

 

LOS ANGELES

 

Thought is barred in this city of Dreadful Joy, and conversation is unknown.

- Aldous Huxley.

 

They don’t throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

- Woody Allen and Marshall Brickman.

 

I mean, who would want to live in a place where the only cultural advantage is that you can turn right on a red light.

- Woody Allen.

 

Seventy-two suburbs in search of a city.

- Dorothy Parker (Attrib).

 

The difference between Los Angeles and yoghurt is that yoghurt has real culture.

- Tom Taussik.

 

The plastic asshole of the world.

- William Faulkner.

 

There's nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

- Ross MacDonald.

 

California is a great place - if you happen to be an orange.

- Fred Allen.

 

In California everyone goes to a therapist, is a therapist, or is a therapist going to a therapist.

- Truman Capote.

 

LUCK

 

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit.

- R.E. Shay.

 

I'm a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.

- Thomas Jefferson.

 

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?

- Jean Cocteau.

 

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.

- Emo Philips.

 

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play it or not.

- Fran Lebowitz.

 

Never trade luck for skill.

 

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This web page was last updated on: 24 March, 2011